Tender Teamwork: Gentle Practices to Strengthen Your Relationship

Many of the couples who contact me for help with their relationship are at a crisis point. Often, they’re overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caring for young children while juggling the demands of their jobs, the tasks of running a home and the challenges of stretching a budget, struggling to pay for everything from groceries to gasoline. They describe never ending to-do lists and deadlines and schedules that keep them running breathlessly from one commitment to another. It’s no surprise that there’s little energy or time left to invest in tending to the quality of their relationship with each other.

When I ask about date nights or how they make time for physical intimacy, they explain how

impossible it is to carve out time for just the two of them when doing so would leave the needs of their children neglected and their house a mess. In an ideal world, the family would have a reliable babysitter and household help that could keep the fridge stocked, meals prepared, the laundry washed and folded and the kitchen and bathroom clean. Most of the couples I see don’t live in ideal worlds. The challenge for us doing couples therapy in the real world is to find ways to strengthen the couple connection without adding unrealistic homework that won’t get done and leave the couple feeling more hopeless and disconnected.

The Tender Teamwork approach emphasizes the quality of being gentle, loving and kind to each other. Helping couples build tenderness doesn’t cost money or take much time but requires a conscious intention and some simple activities that have the power to transform the couple energy from tense, distant, resentful to calm, connected and grateful. It starts with a daily appreciation ritual where the couple can devote a private, quiet, focused 10 minutes to thank each other for 3 things. This could be done at the end of the day after the kids have been put to bed or early in the morning over a relaxed cup of coffee before the daily rushing begins. Couples who have learned Tender Teamwork relational practices describe a quality of closeness, and an increased sense of generous cooperation that influences their communication with each other and also infuses their approach to parenting with an emphasis on gentle and kind communication. If you’d like to learn more about adding a touch of tenderness to your relationships, please use the contact form to be in touch.